Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Office Graffiti


In an age of a woeful lack of inspirational leaders, we can count on clichéd mantras from management of what they are incapable of doing but what they want workers to risk. Posters and newsletters are the preferred vehicles to communicate since management is afraid to actually meet, much less say hello, with anyone lower in the food chain. Fortunately, there are subversive, underground minions who flaunt authority with insightful graffiti.

Posters:

o CHANGE – Only a baby with a wet diaper likes change.

o Expect Excellence – Accept mediocrity.

o TEAMWORK – A group of harmless flakes working together to unleash an avalanche of destruction.

o Can’t spell success without “u” Can’t spell dumb without “u”

o Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now!

o Safety First 70% of us were created by accidents.

Bulletin Boards:

o None of us is as smart as all of us. Thanks to a creative cut and paste became: One of us is a smart ass.

o Have The Right Attitude The beatings will continue until morale improves.

o Next to a manager’s note on performance: Our reward for a good job is more jobs!

o Under memo from CEO: For the good of the company, go back to bed!

o Under Management Retreat announcement- Justified Company paid golf by squeezing 30 minutes of work into a 3 day seminar of morning break out sessions and afternoon of flip charts.

o On an HR memo on fairness. Fair is a place where hogs compete for ribbons.

Bathrooms:

o Flush twice, it’s a long way to the company cafeteria.

o To be is to do – Socrates. To do is to be – Plato. Do be do be do – Sinatra

o If you at first don’t succeed, you are about average.

o God is dead – Nietzsche. Nietzsche is dead – God.

o Toilet camera is for research purposes only.

o Help! The paranoids are after me.

As companies falter, senior management moves into denial of their accountability and seeks out the blameless as being the weak link in the chain, not having the right attitude, or otherwise distract the clueless from their bosses ineptitudes. So when the sport clichés or other trite slogans are trotted out, head to the bathrooms for the real sage advice.